I was recently at a dinner with some people I don’t see very often. It was a large group and a loud table; several families gathered together. And while I didn’t notice it at first, as the night wore on, I noticed that one couple in particular was doing everything they could to avoid talking to me. It wasn’t anything overt. There were plenty of people to look at around the table, but they wouldn’t look at me. There were plenty of conversations happening at once, but every time I tried to start up a conversation, they’d give me a curt answer, and move on to somebody else.
Have you ever been in a tense social interaction like this? Clearly, something was wrong. They were obviously upset with me, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out the cause. I was trying to connect, trying to feel included in the dinner conversation, but was met with subtle aggression at every effort. It was disorienting to say the least, and I left the dinner table feeling hurt.
That night I went to bed and had a good cry. I asked the Holy Spirit to bring His promised comfort and call to my mind encouraging words from scripture. And He did. But as He shored me up, He also gave me a bit of a challenge:
Everyone wants to be included. Where can you offer a seat at the table?
I’ve become a bit of an introvert in this season of my life. Maybe it’s just my days with small kids, where stillness and silence are hard to come by. But if I am out in a social setting, I naturally gravitate to my safe, trusted friends. I’ll stop and greet our closest neighbors, but I still haven’t met the new family down the street. I’ll linger to talk to our life group friends after Sunday’s service, but I won’t go out of my way to meet the new person that slipped in the back pew. Maybe these are new friends just needing an introduction. Maybe they’re people just like me, hoping to feel included.
I love those naturally welcoming people who have a way of bringing people together. There are people who can effortlessly fold someone into a conversation, no matter how trivial or pedestrian. “Oh good, you’re here! We were just talking about this heat wave! What do you do to stay cool, but not go stir crazy?” It’s a simple, gracious gesture that communicates welcome and belonging.
“Oh good, you’re here! Pull up a chair, and be part of the conversation.”
We’re living in a time of hostility, overt and subtle. There’s a lot to be angry about and a lot to be divided about. At times, it might feel easy to retreat into our safest friendships and shut others out. It might even feel good to give an enemy the cold shoulder. But before we do, let’s remember the times we’ve been rejected. Let’s call to mind the painful disorientation if we need to. Then, let’s remember that warm, welcoming sense of being invited into a conversation, and do everything we can to extend it to others.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. – Romans 12:18
