Yesterday was loud and chaotic. I sat in an hour of morning rush hour traffic. I made meals, and snacks, and shuttled kids to and from school. Two kids were wrestling while another kid had a homework meltdown. The baby is teething. I had just enough time to sneak a workout in this afternoon and then went to our weekly life group meeting all sweaty. I didn’t stop for a break. There wasn’t time.
Most of my daily life feels so unspiritual – commutes and diapers and homework help. I find myself fantasizing about the spiritual life I wish I could have. One with long, luxurious periods of solitude and silence. One where I am more present, and less hurried or put upon. And while it’s right to offer God an undivided heart, and carve out distraction-free times with the Lord, I think I might be setting myself up for failure, spiritually speaking. The honest truth is that my life has very little solitude, or silence right now. My young family has needs – so many needs! And wishing these realities weren’t true does nothing to change my circumstances, it just makes me resentful, exhausted, and feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I can’t escape the demands of today. So instead, I will offer God my every loud and chaotic moment. I will believe that God wants to commune with me in the gridlock of morning traffic. I will search for him as I search for lost socks and stuffed animals. This is my life, my one body, mind, home, and daily schedule. I can’t commune with God anywhere else than right here, and right now. If I wait for the perfect, peaceful circumstances to search for God, I will miss out on his presence today. And I desperately need his presence today.
I’ll probably never stop daydreaming about the spiritual life I wish I could have. Maybe that’s a longing for heaven that God has placed inside me – perfect, unbroken communion and connection. But for today, I will trust these two things to be true: life is loud and Jesus is present for all of it. Life is chaotic, and I am abiding in The Vine.
What does your day look like? What is your perfect picture of a ‘spiritual life?’ Like me, do you feel like you’re missing out on something, or somehow doing something wrong? Do you want to flip the narrative with me today? Let’s not live in the what-ifs, but instead, seek Jesus in the what is. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment to be with Jesus, let’s offer him our right now, chaotic as it may be.
