To all of you people pleasers out there, this blog is for you. I am a reformed people pleaser. Once I recognized that my desire to please was rooted in my desire to be liked, I was armed with a need-to-get-healthy attitude. At the root of people pleasing is trying to control people’s opinions of us. First step was to seek the Lord’s counsel in His Word. Here’s what I found:
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)
Noting the context of this verse, the first two chapters of Galatians are addressing the church in Galatia that had adopted a perverted version of the Gospel. In chapters one and two, Paul is defending his view of the Gospel as being unfiltered and true. The Judaizers were adding to the Gospel, demanding that the Old Testament law continue to be paramount. Paul recognizes that he has an opportunity to either please those who demanded that the law be fulfilled or speak the truth that the law can only be fulfilled through grace. At that moment, he made a profound statement that, in summary, goes like this…
Whom shall I serve? Man or God?
In other words, he makes a clear declaration that he is not to please man, but God. His statement rings true for us today as well.
Whom shall we serve? Man or God?
People pleasing, rooted in trying to control people’s opinion of ourselves, can be exhausting if not terrifying. It goes along with a saying I used to hear growing up:
Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
People pleasing is rooted in lies. If we are not honest, transparent truth-tellers, then we begin to weave a web of lies, one built on another and pretty soon it is nearly impossible to break the pattern being woven. What is being woven is a web of a person that is not our authentic self. So, back to me. I first sought the counsel of the Word. Then I sought prayer from others, and ultimately, I began to practice truth-telling with grace.
Lessons to be learned from a reformed people pleaser.
- Acknowledge the lies you have been weaving to present yourself in a certain way.
- Seek counsel from the Word and prayer with others.
- Practice truth-telling in ALL situations.
- Be sure to season your words with love.
I can assure you that by living this way, you will find freedom you may have never known. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it; no secrets, no walls. People will grow to trust your word and invite you into their lives as a safe place. There is nothing more rewarding than holding people’s hearts with love and grace.
Let your conversation be always full of grace seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4:6)
Bear with each other, forgive one another; if any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all of these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:13-14)
Joanne
